“Do you have a 2020 vision? In case you want to make this year – the year of transformation, the time is ripe – Brand new decade. Let’s start this decade with inculcating habits that will help us to achieve short and long term goals : –

1. GROW YOUR GRIT – Strong grit is required to achieve your targets. Ask yourself “Do I stick to long term goals?” or constantly get distracted by new ideas or projects….or worse, procrastinate and give up? Says image consultant Renu Mehra, ”When you apply effort to a talent, you get a skill. And when you apply effort to a skill, you get achievement.”

2. BE A BADASS – Whatever you plan to do, do it with elan. Says life coach Ashu Khanna, “Have a mind of badass.” We can cross all hurdles and achieve the impossible. So this year, appreciate your achievements and focus on, “what’s missing“ to what exists”. It takes 66 days to form a new habit.

3. BE SELF AWARE AND ACCEPT –  Tune in to yourself. See what is happening around you. Self reflect  – it will help you drop negative words from your vocabulary e.g..no,not, etc. When you think positively, you attract the same. Acceptance is the key achievement. Accept the present, let go of the past and stop worrying about the future. This ATM formula includes Acceptance (A), Taking charge (T) and making most of what you have (M).

4. DO NOT FEAR REJECTION – One of our biggest blocks – no matter what our skill set or the expertise level, is our unwillingness to put ourselves in the limelight. Usually, this comes out of fear of failure \ rejection. Let go of this fear. Don’t limit yourself. Instead think; what if it works? Choose a handful of goals and make sure you don’t dilute them.

Be your own Rockstar!!

The brother and sister sat on the footpath outside my house, laughing and giggling. They were about 5–6 years old. They generally accompanied the rag picker who came around once in every few days. Must be an older sibling, I guessed. I couldn’t help enjoying that innocent scene as I watched them from my window. They were dressed in rags, and there was a slight chill in the air. But the warmth they exuded had nothing to do with the weather.

I called out to my son who was busy with his smartphone. I wanted him to see these kids. Well, I couldn’t disturb him at his game and say ‘Come and take a look at these rag pickers’, could I? Literally, yes, I can say the words. But if you have been with the present generation of youngsters, you will exactly understand what I am saying.

I had a brainwave. I took the bag of old toys I had kept aside, which I had planned to give away. I called these kids. They came running and stood expectantly outside the door. Now was my chance. I gave the bag of toys to my son and told him to go and give it to the kids outside. He gave me ‘that’ look (yes, the very same look they give you when you disturb them when they are ‘busy’ on the phone). But he obediently went and gave the bag to the kids. Their faces were aglow as they opened the bag and saw the toys. These were old and unused toys, but they were so happy as though they were gifted an entire toy factory! We must have stared at them for some time. Then they gave us a beautiful, dazzling smile and ran away. Back to the footpath, where they sat and examined each toy and played with it. I was back at the window. And this time, my son stood silently by my side and watched them. A couple of hours later, I could still not forget the vision of pure joy I had seen on the faces of those kids. I asked my son ‘what are you thinking?’ And he replied, ‘Mom, I’m thinking of those two kids.’

The scene still lingers in my mind, and I feel like I have already got my Christmas gift.

The news that Nalini, the darling of Tellicherry was getting married to a rich man from Singapore was a sensation. It was also the talk of the town. The new American car, extremely broad and long, was an incredible thing, never seen in Tellicherry. Smaller cars were itself rare, traders knew every car and they monitored as to where they stopped to shop. But the American car made Tellicherry proud, our own Subhash was a common comment, they made with confidence and authority. Actually no one had a clue as to where he came from. Every family invited for the wedding were excited to have been honoured as such, those who missed expressed their displeasure in many ingenious ways, Tellicherry people had that capability.
Karnavar nominated Govindan and Meenakshi as the elder representative, the younger being Gopal and Parvathi. That decision was final.

Gopal declined stating that he had an important work pending at the Post Office, the Cash statement need to be sent to the Head Office. Younger boys aghast, who would refuse such a celebratory meal? The Aunts just rolled their eyes, they had the ability to talk in that fashion, and the kitchen demanded such capability. There were rumours that Nambissan the celebrated cook was given the contract for the food. There would be three types of Payasam, the sweet dish.

The girls were keen to see the Singapore man, they were also interested to see what sari, Nalini would wear, the jewellery and the gold. Moothamma delared that she would attend, if her Knee pain permits, Parvathy assured her that she could fix her knees for the day.

The Marriage was one of the best ever seen, there had been a talk that the entire Pandal was fixed by Subhash’s people. The ceremonial passage home after the Marriage used to be a simple affair in Tellicherry. The Bride and the Bridegroom, wearing the flower garland walk in a procession, it allowed the neighbourhood to watch the new couple, those who did not get a chance to attend the marriage. It is a simple procession lead by the Musicians playing the classical wedding music.

This time Nalini and Subhash were seated in the New American car, hood open, and fully decorated with exotic flowers, well dressed people wearing silk sari’s and some men in suits were walking ahead, the Uniform Band leading. It was a spectacular show, never seen before.
Nalini wore a full brocade sari, her chest full of jewellery. Her hands covered with gold bangles. Nalini head covered with fresh jasmine flowers. Subhash was wearing a Jodhpur dress, he had a large pearl necklace, and he looked majestic like a Prince. Subhash was a sensation. The crowds closed in, but Subhash had made arrangements for the Security guards. It was an event management thing.

The car turned at the Pilakool Post Office, Nalini looked up, and she was familiar with the masonry steps, the one she had often climbed with trepidation and joy. She will never forget those steps. Nalini looked up, she saw Gopal standing alone, desolate and solitary and his hair was in disarray; ’Sweet Gopal, how sad he looks?’ A tear descended down Nalini’s cheeks that no one saw. Gopal wiped his tears as the car turned. The car moved on, the crowd cheered.

Nalini wiped her tears, and she was looking beyond the crowd. What is there to look? Everything has been left behind. She knew there will never be a man like Gopal. Goodbye gopal.
She did not sob, but her heart did.

… xxx …
PARVATHI.
Parvathi was intelligent, she could see beyond the horizon, she could anticipate events and sometimes mould them in the direction she desired. It was like planning to dig the carnal before the rain, the water would then flow in the direction desired by Parvathi. The water itself would have no clue to the direction of the flow.

But sometimes it does flow relentlessly, inexorably in the direction that destiny choses. Parvathi herself could get caught in the rapidity of the events, she would then have no control and would float like a dead leaf inevitably to meet her destiny. Parvathi knew there were two power centres at Mangden house, Karnavar and Moothamma, both old with the problems that comes with age and senescence. In old age pain becomes a companion that refuses to part with you. It is a guest that keeps you company till death. It then looks for new customers.

Parvathi had acquired some knowledge in forest medicine from Mamathi, an Avadooth who has supernatural powers. Karnavar was sapped of energy, he was old but not senile, and his mind was still sharp. He had Arthritic problem, his mobility was constrained, and getting up from the chair itself was a problem.

Parvathi had a magic medicine, she mixed the droppings of blood sucking Bats found in the rock caves of Pandakkal, and they blended with Cannabis leaf taken together with tobacco and beetle leaf, and it was a perfect medicine for Karnavar. It provided magic relief.

Most old people have problem with bowel movements, the desire to eat persists, but the agony of pushing the residual haunts. Parvathi had a solution, the tail of the Monitor Lizard, dried and powered, mixed with fruits when taken at night, would make the motion smooth and painless. Moothie had a problem with her knees, most old ladies in Kerala have the problem with the knees.

Parvathy made a paste of Shark eggs, blended with Herbal roots. it gave relief to a large extent, although it cannot be a permanent cure. It does provide relief. Moothamma could walk without a stick.

… xxx …

Moothamma ‘Parvathi! You are a magic girl. What would I have done without you? I would have been bed ridden without you. Now I can walk.’
Parvathi hugged Moothamma, she called her Moothie affectionately.
Parvathi found the right momemt. Finding the right moment is a gift, very few had. Parvathi had it. Moothie ‘What can I do for you Parvathi?’ The right moment. Parvathi ‘Moothie! Keep me always in Mangaden house.’ Moothie ‘How can I keep you here? Soon you will get married, some proposals have come, Karnavar did not agree, he is waiting for the right boy. A respectable house like the Ambalavattom house.’ Parvathi seized the initiative ‘Moothie! Get me married to Gopal, he is not related to me, you told me that I was brought as an orphan to Mangaden house, you do not know my Father and Mother. I was brought from Vadakkara, when my mother died. I grew up here, I am not Mangaden.’ Parvathi gave her another succulent tobacco preparation.

Moothie liked the idea, keep her here, Gopal is a good boy, Parvathi can take care of her in old age. Moothie was ecstatic. It was a powerful incentive.
… xxx …

Parvathi does long term planning, Nalini getting married to Singapore man was not a part of her plan. It was a problem she had given to Mamathi. Parvathi had cleaned her hut meticulously, she lay prostate at the feet of Mamathi. Mamathi ‘I know your problem that girl will soon get married and she will go far away, very far.’

… xxx …

One morning on Ekadasi day, an auspicious day Moothamma and Parvathi went to Tiruvangad Temple. She prayed to Lord Rama. Moothamma came back with Prasadam and Sandalwood Paste, the offering after the Puja. Moothie applied the sacred sandalwood paste on Karnavar’s forehead. Moothie ‘Raghava! I have a request and do not refuse me.’ Karnavar ‘Have I refused you anything Moothie? You are the pillar of Mangaden house.’ Moothie ‘Now listen! The girl Parvathi has grown up, we need to think of her marriage’ Karnavar ‘I am trying Moothie! I have offered good money to leading Brokers’. Moothie ‘Why Brokers Raghava? I propose why not we get Parvathi married to our own Gopal?’

Karnavar exploded. He stood up and his face red, he was holding the Pillar with difficulty, as if he were having a Heart Attack. Karnavar ‘No! I will never permit such a marriage.’ His hands were trembling. He collapsed on the chair, his eyes bulged out and his voice hoarse. Karnavar ‘No Moothie No, I can never permit that’. Moothie ‘Why Raghava! Why? You have to tell me why? I carried you as a baby in my arms?’ Karnavar ‘Moothie! I cannot! They are my children! My blood! Understand my blood’. Karnavar slowly ‘Remember when I was an Estate Manager of Mangaden Rubber Estate in Vadakkara. A Namboodhari Girl fell in love with me. I told her that I am from a lower caste and that I cannot marry her. She told me that they were planning to marry her to her uncle who is old and a very bad man, if I did not marry her, she will commit suicide. Moothie she was pretty. I married her in a Forest Temple. We stayed in the forest house, she was happy, we had two kids, the labour were from Madras. We were safe and happy. One day her brothers came with a group of people with swords, they killed her, I escaped into the forest with the kids. I brought them here to Mangaden house. I never married again. They are my precious kids. They cannot marry! Moothie! Same blood!’

Moothie withdrew quietly, and she had nothing to say.

To be Continued…

As Christmas approaches, the party season is in full swing. We are all familiar with this. Everyone is planning a get-together, be it family or friends. And the days are chock-a-block with plans for meet-ups. School friends, college friends, cousins, colleagues, the list goes on.

So, the obvious conclusion for any woman? You guessed it!! The I-have-nothing-to-wear-I-need-to-shop syndrome. And so I decided to shop online, and I thought I would check Myntra for some tops first. I switched on the laptop. And as it started up, I heard a beep on the mobile. It was a simple SMS from … Myntra, and it freaked me out.

We read your mind

You want to buy Tops!

Get it @ EORS 2019 | Coming soon | 50-80% Off

…….

I know we are not safe on the Internet, but this? I discussed this with my sisters and they had a wonderful time at my cost. ‘Highest level of a creepy coincidence, dear! Google or Myntra could probably see your online history, but can’t read your thoughts, hahaha!’ ‘I can imagine your face right now, and I’m having a good laugh!’ it went on till they got tired.

Wonder how much longer it might take for mankind to encroach the mind space too!?

Gopal sat alone in the Post Office, Nalini had asked him to marry her, Gopal would have loved it, Nalini was his dream girl, he could not say yes, there were no other girl in his life, but his conscience would not permit it, how could he bring misery to such a beautiful girl, the British Government may arrest him for sedition and her life would be in danger, she herself may be arrested, the British were getting paranoid of young Indian Leaders. His heart would not permit him to endanger Nalini. That was it and it was his final decision. He said so to Nalini. An emphatic NO.

Nalini walked out closing his door, and it was a symbolic gesture. Why did she come back to open the door and to leave it open? It baffled him, Nalini always baffled him, climbing the public platform and raising her fist in rebellion. Even during the preparation of war against the Japanese.

Nalini conveys her message by strange means. Did Nalini close the door to convey that her heart was closed to him? But why did she come back to open the door? I simply do not understand such messages. Gopal went and closed the door and the window, in the dim light his mind would be open, yes open to analyse the situation. Gopal took out the one Rupee coin that Nalini had brought to buy a postal envelope. ‘It had touched her hand, it was consecrated by her skin, it is my souvenir, and my treasure.’

… xxx …

Gopal sat alone in the darkness, the darkness enveloped him like a shroud, his body and heart atrophied in the chair, so was his thought, all sentences deserted him, even the words were assembling and breaking up in his mind, nothing made any sense, he continued to sit without any thought, slowly it occurred to him, this is how a dead man would sit in the chair, no thought and no words, no worry and no happiness. Strange it seemed to him, and Gopal began to like it, just to be dead was painless, loveless and flat, yes flat as a dead body. In the stillness of the night, Gopal heard the sound of a Dog moaning, someone had died in the night, Yama the messenger of Death had come to take the soul. Gopal felt his heart to see if his heart was dead, it was still beating, and why then was the Dog moaning?

Gopal opened the door, he was surprised that the door opened with little effort. He found the Cycle Raleigh at the base, it was patiently waiting for him. ‘Poor chap it too was alone and lonely like me.’ Raleigh too had a hole in its heart, one of the shining ball bearing had fallen off, the Freewheel bearing was moaning, turning phlegmatically and yet bearing the burden of motion and sharing the agony of its master.

Gopal was moving in the dead of the night, he seem to have lost his way, The Raliegh seem to have taken him to the gates of Nalini house. Strange it was to be standing there, yes he saw Nalini, walking up and down, yes it was Nalini, upstairs in the corner room, the light was still on and there she was with her hair flying with the wind.

Gopal stood looking up at her, and Nalini had no clue that Gopal was there at her gate. The dog barked again, Nalini stopped at the window, she could see nothing. How could she? Gopal’s heart was empty.

Gopal was clear in his mind, his conscience will never permit him to bring misery on another human being, Nalini was more than a human being, she was his love. Gopal said ‘Come Raleigh! Let us go home’. Raleigh moved in an erratic motion, the night was such. The dog ceased to bark, as he moved in a final gesture, a tear descended from Gopal’s cheek and fell in the dust, the tear was seeking its own destiny.

… xxx …

When Gopal reached home, he did not park his cycle, he just left it, and it fell on its side. Raleigh did not complain, the whole night, it lay like a dead Cockroach. In the stillness of the night, as he walked the long corridor of Mangaden house, the old shoe did make a noise, it woke up Parvathi, and she could recognise the sound even when she was half asleep. Parvathy rushed out.

Gopal walked as if he was drunk. Parvathy held him, Gopal did not smell of liquor. Parvathy was silently praying ‘What is happening to my Gopal Muthappa! O Muthappa?’

Parvathy made him sit on the chair, she rushed to the Kitchen to make a special Black Coffee and a special ingredient. Some forest seeds that was Parvathi’s secret. It has the capability to kill all problems of the mind, now Gopal seem to need one.
Gopal drank the Coffee, he soon was sleeping in the chair. Parvathi put him to bed, removed his shoes, he was looking serene and calm, and in deep sleep. In the dim light of the Kerosene light, she brushed his luscious hair.

… xxx …

Gopal had a pleasant dream, it made him smile. He would tell no one of his dream.
… xxx …

Gopal woke up when he heard the sound of Temple bell, Ambalavattom Temple was close by. He also heard the sound of birds, the beautiful sound the nature makes to wake up man. Parvathi entered the room with hot steaming Coffee in a brass tumbler. Parvathi was happy to see him refreshed. She wondered as to what could have happened to him the night before. Gopal has a problem, I need to find out. ‘Could it be Nalini?’

Parvathi had learned a lot from an old lady, who lived in a small hut by the Pandakkal River. The old lady Mamathi was a wizard, some say she was a witch, she had a cure for everything. She could read the mind, none dare tell her untruth. People go to her with various problems, they all get solace and relief. She does not charge any money, she throws it back at you if you offer by mistake.
Some say that Mamathi is an Avadoot, a messenger of Lord Muthappa, an incarnation of Lord Shiva. When a poor man goes to her for help, she picks up a handful of earth and gives it to them, in their hands it becomes silver or gold coins. When someone goes to Mamathi in sickness, she picks up a leaf or flower and asks them to eat.
They return cured. Mamathi is rarely seen, she spends most of the time in the forests.

She had blessed Parvathi and she had learned a few tricks from her. Parvathi smiled at Gopal and said ‘Karnavar wanted to see you after breakfast.’ The words fell on him quietly, then it became hot! Red hot!
Gopal ‘Does he know?’ Parvathi ‘Know what? Tell me what?’ Gopal could not say and he did not want to say. Gopal picked up the Coffee, he began to sip, it burnt his tongue, he could not put the tumbler down and he could not sip. Parvathi smiled and walked away. Gopal ‘Does he know? What will I tell him? How could I tell him? ‘Tell him that Nalini had come to him at the Post Office and asked him to marry her, Nalini from the famous Ambalavattom Tharavad, Advocate Haridas’s daughter Nalini. Such affairs are arranged by Karnavars.

Gopal realised that no one will believe his story. Postman Gopal can never dream of such a marriage.
But does Karnavar know anything? Why did Parvathi smile looking at him?
… xxx …

Gopal went to the bathroom to take a bath, Parvathy had placed hot water for him in the bathroom, Absentmindedly Gopal drew water from domestic well in the bathroom and poured it on his head. It was cold water, ice cold, he was shivering, and he continued to pour. His head was hot. ‘How will I face the Karnavar?’ The hot water lay unused. Gopal was shivering, it still did not calm his nerves.
… xxx …

Gopal reported to the Karnavar with trepidation. Gopal stood before the Karnavar and said nothing, he was ready for the lashing. Karnavar looked at him, his eyes bore through him. Karnavar ‘Gopal the roof is leaking, I want you to repair the roof, Moothamma will give you the money. And ….. ’Gopal stood rooted, and he was waiting for the words after ‘And’, nothing came. Gopal ‘Yes Karnavar, lots of things are leaking here.’ Karnavar ‘What?’ This time Gopal did not complete the sentence. Karnavar turned and looked beyond the horizon. It was an indication that the meeting was over.
… xxx …

Gopal was busy in getting the thatched roof replaced with coconut leaves, the leaves were in plenty in every house. The century old system, very effective in rain and in summer, in rain it prevents the water leaking through the roof, the drained water gets absorbed in the ground, the water table maintained. During summer the rooms are cool, the leaf absorbs the heat.

… xxx …

A man came to deliver an invitation card. It read,
Karnavar Krishnan of Ambalavattom Family
Invites
Karnavar of Mangaden Family with family and friends for the Marriage of the daughter of Advocate Haridas
Nalini
With
Subhash
Place, date and time.

To be continued…

Jeremy kept his head low. He didn’t look at her. His eyes were wet, and his heart beat faster than ever. The last person to walk on the stage was Jeremy. He stood up and walked the long way to the stage while the faces turned back to see the smart, handsome man in black suit. He had his guitar with him, perhaps the only friend that he had in this life.

He walked up on the stage and said, “Thank you for the good times. You may not know me, but I know each one of you. Tonight, I thought I would speak. Tonight I ought to sing a song with my band”.

He called up Richard and the rest of the crew to play the song with him. The auditorium was silent. Sara was almost in tears. And then Jeremy asked Richard to play the guitar for him, for he wanted to sing. Richard was surprised, but he smiled and asked which song. Jeremy turned back and said, “Final Cut.”

Richard nodded and started playing the guitar. The moment Jeremy started the song, the whole auditorium was amazed. His heavenly voice touched each heart. Sara, started crying which made Steve wonder what was going on.

And Jeremy sang.

“And if I show you my dark side

Will you still hold me tonight?

And if I open my heart to you

And show you my weak side

What would you do?

Would you sell your story to Rolling Stone?

Would you take the children away

And leave me alone?

And smile in reassurance

As you whisper down the phone?

Would you send me packing?

Or would you take me home?”

As the song ended in a gloomy tenor, the whole student body applauded and screamed in bliss. They hadn’t heard anything of that sort in a long while.

When the song was finished, Jeremy said, “This song was for someone special. And I guess, that is it. Good luck, goodbye.”

There was absolute silence in the hall. Nobody moved. Nobody spoke a word. Jeremy smiled at Richard and walked away from the hall. Richard was stunned. He looked at Steve and then Sara. He didn’t know what to say. But their silence answered the puzzle. Richard and Steve ran uphill to find Jeremy. The drizzle painted the wet streets in yellow with the lights that flickered from every street lamps. They found the doors locked, but they couldn’t wait any longer. They broke into the room, and stood there in terror.

Jeremy slept there on the floor like an infant with all the papers that he’d scribbled with his own blood. He cut his vein and was bleeding. Richard and Steve stood stunned. They didn’t know what next to do so they called up the ambulance. When the bleeding body was taken into the hospital, the students in the college stared at it, hoping to see him live again. They didn’t know it was Jeremy. Nobody knew the reason behind it. Sara knew it. Jeremy knew it. Richard and Steve knew it.

“Silence speaks louder than words. But it is a dangerous game. Sometimes, we need to speak. And I spoke today. I spoke today…” The words of the final verses he wrote before he was taken into the hospital haunted them.

Three miles away from the place where it all happened, Richard was in tears. His mind was blank, but his heart was energized to perform tomorrow. Sunday was just a day away. The time was 7 p.m., and as he reached the campus, the fresh green leaves, the dewdrops on them, and the fog that wrapped all the boughs took him seven years back to where it all happened. He drove uphill, towards the same room where they three lived together. Room number 207 was now 307. The fresh rose flowers in the backyard were soaked in drizzle. His blue car was drenched in fresh downpour. November was the month. The month full of love and happiness.

Richard walked around the places recalling the memories he cherished seven years go. Everything looked the same. He thought dreams were like the castles made of sand, but he’d seen them happening. People craved it so beautifully, but some dreams do come true. Another time, another day every bleeding heart would have something to remember. The echoes of the distant hill still lured him. Tomorrow would be Sunday. And tomorrow they would come to see him play the songs for those young students. Tomorrow, those three names would shine again. Richard smiled at himself in the mirror and remembered the good time he was going to have with the newly wedded Jeremy and Sara, and their friend Steve.

The night was still young, and the dawn would bring back the light… again…

Nalini’s mind was in turmoil, she came out of her room and murmured ‘It’s my life’, but it does not make any sense, shouting at the stadium was different, but here, ‘What do I do?’, she could do nothing, ’Will Gopal ever ask her hand in marriage?’

Nalini had no answers. Nalini was ready to fight the Japanese, but here in the battle of the heart, she had no clue, and here there were no borders, it was a battle without boundaries. The horizon was not visible. Nalini ran back into her room upstairs. The Singapore man was handsome, no moustache and rich, all vital components of a happy marriage, but the Heart, the prime meridian was not measurable. ‘YES IT’S MY CHOICE’ the placard stared at her, she had displayed it so boldly and emphatically. ‘Will Gopal love me?’

Gopal never talked about love, there was no mention of marriage, always the stupid Japanese. Now the Japanese are not coming. ‘What will I do? What will Gopal do?’ ‘I Nalini, I am a smart girl, and I have to take the initiative. Yes I will do ‘ ‘Do I love Gopal? Yes! .. No … I am not sure! Yes I am sure .. I love Gopal… Does Gopal love me?’ Nalini ‘I must check with my lucky coin! The coin my dead Grandpa had given to me on Vishu Day, The auspicious day.’ Nalini held the coin, kissed it and sought the blessings of her Grandpa.

Nalini tossed the coin, ‘O God! Heads Gopal loves me, Tails Gopal does not love me’. The coin spun and landed in her palm. Nalini looked, it was HEADS. Nalini jumped ‘Gopal loves me’. ‘No, Nalini, it should be best of three’. So be it. Nalini tossed it again. The palm spread to catch the falling coin. Nalini opened her palm slowly. It was HEADS. Nalini kissed the coin, ‘Yes Gopal loves me, and yes there is no doubt about it.’ ‘What about the Marriage? Will Gopal marry me?’ ‘Ask the coin? Yes ask the coin.’ Nalini tossed the coin, the palm revealed it was the TAIL.’ Nalini was shocked. ‘What? love there and no marriage?’ No best of three. It shall be best of three.

Nalini tossed the coin again, it touched the ceiling, it changed the direction, rolled on the ground and it disappeared into the crack on the floor. It was an old building and the crack was there for a long time. Just when the greatest question needed an answer, the lucky coin disappeared. The infallible coin Moothappa! How will I know? Nalini sat still on her bed, then she got up. Then Nalini declared to herself ‘I will be brave, I will talk straight. I will ask Gopal, yes. Yes direct question. Yes face to face direct question’ Thus resolved, Nalini waited, she had no further need to consult the coin. No need to consult her parents, or seek their permission. ‘It’s my life! It is my choice!’ Nalini shouted at the wall. ‘Yes my life’. Nalini felt happy at her resolve.
… xxx …

Nalini did not change into any fancy dress, she wore the house clothes, just the skirt and blouse. No one saw her going out, Pilakool Post Office was just around the corner. Nalini wanted to know Gopal’s heart, his answers in plain clothes, just as she was.

Nalini ran to the Post Office. Gopal was always in time. She saw the Raleigh Cycle, the cycle announced his presence. Nalini ran up the masonry steps, the Post Office was on an elevated ground.

As usual Gopal was alone, and he smiled. It was that endearing smile that captivated her. Nalini did not smile. She had much more serious business in mind. Nalini entered and closed the door. Nalini did not want disturbance or distraction. This was serious business. Nalini felt confident, the initiative was with her. The door was closed, but the window was open, so was her heart. Nalini could see his lush hair. Gopal suddenly became serious ‘Why did you close the door?’ Nalini looked stunning in her skirt and blouse, and Nalini was panting and her chest heaving, and she was taking deep breath to formulate the opening sentence. Nalini edged a little closer, she placed one foot on the bench and one on the ground. Nalini ‘Tell me Gopal! Will you marry me? Gopal was stunned, Gopal felt he was on the gallows and the rope was about to be slipped on. Nalini, the Jailor asking him ‘What is your last wish?’

Gopal ‘Nalini sit down, I will explain.’
Nalini sat down, she was holding the table firmly, and she needed support.
Gopal could not say a word. He kept gazing at her and all words disappeared from his skull. It was empty. Nalini stood up, the words came to her only when she was standing. She had both her legs spread out for balance and gravity. Nalini had one hand on the table and one hand on her hips, Naliini breathed out the formidable question ‘Gopal do you love me?’

The question was a blast, it entered his consciousness instantly and the answer blew out spontaneously and effortlessly. Gopal ‘Yes I love you Nalini!’ What a relief. How incredible, he had such words in his mouth.

The air escaped her lungs, she was holding her breath. A pressure released. Nalini sat down, she was not holding the table, and she had one leg over the other leg, her whole body in relaxation. Gopal kept looking at her, she had such beautiful eyes, there were beads of sweat on her nose, it sparkled from the beam of light from the window. He continued to gaze at her. Not a word came out. Nalini stood up, she did not hold the table, now she had her own gravity, and with that firmness Nalini asked ‘Tell me Gopal! Will you marry me?’

Gopal’s heart was beating faster, rest of his body was frozen, and Gopal could not answer. He kept staring at her, those incredible eyes, languid and deep, such an innocent face, she deserve a better husband.

Nalini was still standing, she did not require support, and she was prepared. Nalini ‘Tell me Gopal, tell me YES or No, be a man and tell me honestly, what you say?’ Gopal ‘Nalini! Have a glass of water.’ A single glass stood inverted on a mud water pot’. Nalini’s stare indicated that water was not the problem. Gopal blinked, then he closed his eyes, he needed time to frame a sentence, words were clashing in his skull, but it could not be assembled in a sequence to make a sensible sentence. Nalini sitting opposite alone, the door closed, not by him, but by her and it was not a scenario he had imagined.

Gopal stood up and gripped the table. He opened up and it was a torrent of words, it cascaded like a waterfall, rapid and scintillating, an endless stream of words, furious and fast.

Nalini kept listening, not at the words, but what the heart conveyed.
‘Gopal now you understand my problem? You Nalini will always think from your vantage, your heart! Primary heart. Your problem the supreme problem. The Head Office had not increased my salary as given in their letter to Hundred Rupees. They say that I am a Temporary Staff. They may appoint a new man not from Tellicherry, but from Trivandrum, an outsider who would be safe, not a local man like me. I think they are scared of the initiative we took for the war effort, and we may rise up against the British Empire. They may implicate me in a false charge and put me in Jail. They don’t want leaders like you and me.’
Tell me Nalini ‘How can I marry a girl beautiful and talented, to a man who may become jobless or be even in Jail? It would be cruel on my part.
It would be best for you to marry that Singapore man. He will make you happy, a wife cannot be happy without a house and food and you will be safe in Singapore. It is not written in my stars to marry you, I am simply not up to your standards.
Nalini! I cannot marry you.’

… xxx …

The words fell like hot coal on her heart, her fingers had no place to rest, and it went to her face to cover her face. It closed her eyes. Nalini She said to herself ‘My God it has come to this, the coin had disappeared, and the indications were there. ‘ Nalini looked up to him, she had no more words in her heart, and her eyes said it all. Her heart seem to be drained of blood, it was empty.

Nalini got up and walked out, she turned back and closed the door. As Nalini stepped down the masonry stairs, a beautiful chapter of life seem to close. She ran down the steps and she was running, she hit a rock and fell. Her hand were bruised, she did not feel the pain, and it was the heart which was feeling the pain.
Nalini stopped, she realized that she had no right to close the door on Gopal. It was not her door, it was Gopal’s door. Nalini ran back, she opened the door. Gopal was sitting in the same position. Eyes unblinking.
Tears streaming down Gopal’s cheek. Nalini went to him and wiped his tears. She touched his silk hair fondly, one last time. She turned, and there were no more words. What would words do? Nalini moved resolutely.

To be Continued…

مدتی نبودم ، در جواب رفیقای عزیز که پرسیدن کجایی باس بگم ؛ انگار رفته بودم تو لاک خودم اصن قهر تمام دردهاییم که تو جون تک تک مردمم هست۰
۰
۰

اینروزا تو هند از جلوی مغازه این مادر بزرگ میگذرم گاهی باهاش حرف میزنم پرسون پرسونه احوال همدیگه دست سازهاشو میبینم و هنری که رزق سفره مادربزرگه ۰
۰
چند روز پیش تیز نگاهشو حس کردم انگاری شم مادرانش فهمیده بود حالم خوب نیس .
۰
۰یه اخمی به طعم محبت در نگاهش ، چش تو چشم با لهجه هندی پرسید ؛۰
وات هپن فور یووووو !؟ ۰
منم نا خواسته باهاش از حالم گفتم از ظلمی که قصه زندگی مردم ایرانه ۰
۰
و اون با همون اخم دوس داشتی تو یه جمله مث خودش عمیق شسته رفته گفت ؛

۰ کشور هم مثل ما آدما مریض میشه ضعیف میشه اما تاریخو ببین و نگران‌نباش خودش خودشو خوب میکنه ، تو حال دلتو بچسبو مواظبت کن ۰
این حرفش آرومم کرد ، با تصور اینکه این ایدئولوژی نا خواسته سر انجام خلط بیرون میشه و خواهد رفت باعث شد امیدی تو لبخندم شکوفه کنه .
البته که بهای این بیماری درده و بهاشو داریم میپردازیم و البته امید

Gopal sat alone in his room, he did not switch on the light, and in fact he did not know when the darkness had set in. Mangaden house was one of the few which had electricity, the house which had the Rai Bahadur title on the chest of one of the ancestors.

Parvathy followed every step that Gopal takes, not deliberately, but more by intuition, and it was ingrained into her system. Parvathi realised that something was worrying Gopal, and it must be Nalini. She had become more popular, with every one shouting Nalini! Nalini! And a man cannot hand over leadership to a girl, who has no clue of War. This was life and death of Tellicherry.

There had been rumours that Prisoners in Poland were made to dig their own grave to be shot and the rest of the prisoners to fill the grave, young girls carried away to slave camps. The Japanese were no less. In the darkness Parvathi could see the silhouette of Gopal, unmoving and rock stationary. That was when Parvathi decided to intervene, Gopal’s destiny may be interlinked with her own destiny.

Parvathy entered and stood close to him, she did not touch him, but her fragrance did. Gopal looked up and said ‘Parvathy’. What a sweet sound it made when her called such.
Parvathy ‘What is worrying you?’ Gopal ‘I have no information and information is power. I do not know as to what is happening in the war, who is winning and who is losing?’ I have to protect Tellicherry and I am blind, it is dark just as this room.
Parvathi wanted to touch him, she did with her words. Parvathi ‘Tell me Gopal Chetta? What do you want?’
Gopal ‘I wish I had a Radio, I can then listen out to the world Radio Stations, and then we will get an idea, as to where they are fighting. We can then make an analysis of the war and the direction the war is progressing.’

Parvathi admired him for his intelligence and clarity of thought. Poor Gopal Chettan, fighting the war all alone, and leaving him no time for love. Parvathi ‘Let me try Gopal Chetta! Let me try?’ She did touch his head, as she walked out, she smelled her hand, and it did smell on her Gopal Chetta.

… xxx …

The next day when Gopal returned late at night, he parked his Raleigh in the usual place, as he moved away, the cycle fell on its own, and he ran back and found a small stone, which may have toppled the cycle. Even a tiny stone can topple a man, leave alone a cycle. The stone seem to be a lifeless thing, it also seem to move with a purpose! ‘O God! What is the purpose of my life?’

When Gopal entered his room, it was clean, on his table stood an old Radio, a real Radio. Gopal shouted ‘Parvathi!’ Parvathi was there, she had been waiting for him all evening.
Gopal was excited touching the three band Radio. Parvathi ‘I found it in the Attic store where all old things are kept.’ Gopal was excited as a child, he connected the radio to a plug. Gopal switched on the Radio. No sound came, both were glaring at it, slowly a strand of smoke came out. Gopal understood and he switched it off. Their heart broke as they smelled the burning smell. The one thing that would help him in the war effort lay lifeless. Smoke the depressing smoke was all that it produced.

It was Parvathi who did not lose heart. ‘Chetta! I will check with Haridas Chettan, you know Haridas uncle who had a bullet injury in the war, Yes Ambalavattom house, I will ask him.’ Gopal looked at her ‘Amazing girl! She never gives up’. Gopal smiled at her. It was a scintillating smile, it cheered Parvathi’s heart.

… xxx …

Gopal dreamt ‘The Radio was working, but he could understand nothing, it was a strange language, not a word was discernable. Gopal continued to shift from Short Wave 1 to 2. Different language, not one in English or Malayalam. Gopals dream changed colours. Parvathi came in wearing an attractive Skirt and Blouse, She switched on the radio, and there was no News, only sweet songs, melodious songs. Gopal shouted ‘Put on the News!’ Parvathi smiled at him and closed the door. Gopal woke up to see Parvathi opening the door, she brought in a Cup of Coffee. Parvathi saw her wearing the same skirt and blouse. He was shocked, he had never seen her in that dress! How come Gopal saw the same dress in his dream? Gopal went to the Post Office. His mind in turmoil! He understood nothing, the world seems to be moving on an independent path, and he did not seem to have any role in it.
… xxx …

Parvathi went to Ambalavattom house, it was just across the street, both the families were connected, she walked in freely, Ambalavattom house had a small Devi Temple, Parvathi went and prayed seeking Devi’s blessings. Parvathi walked up the wooden Staircase to the room of Haridas Uncle, Haridas had a Bullet Injury in his leg, had difficulty in walking and had retired with disability Pension, and he got up seeing Parvathi. He liked her, an intelligent and a simple girl. Parvathi told him about the fiasco with the Radio, could he have a look?

Lance Naik Haridas was a Wireless Radio Operator, he promised to come and have a look. Parvathi does not give up hope.
… xxx …

Haridas was delighted to be needed, he was never consulted, and he was alone with his cat. He loved his cat, he called her Radhika. No one had an idea as to why he called her Radhika.

Haridas reached Mangaden house, it has been years since he had been to this house, when he was a child, he used to play football in the same compound, those were the days, the memory fresh in his mind. Radhika standing and watch him play football.

… xxx …

Haridas saw the Radio on the Table. With the help of a Screw driver and a knife, he managed to open the cover of the Radio. He saw a dead Lizard, the probable cause of the short circuit. The Radio tuning knob was missing, the driving thread perished.
After an hour or so, Parvathi heard the Radio making noise. She was thrilled, she had never seen this radio work.

Haridas managed to move the tuning drum with a tiny chiselled stick. The station changed as the drum moved. The Radio worked. The set lay without the cover like a dead frog with its legs stretched. Parvathi was delighted ‘Thanks uncle! It works’ and she gave him a warm hug. Haridas ‘Call me when Gopal comes, don’t move the Radio from the table, I shall teach him to operate the radio with a Tooth Pick.’ Haridas was happy as he walked home, he turned to see the image of Radhika. The image was still there, it will always be there.
… xxx …

Gopal was now addicted to the Radio, he could now move the Tuning drum with a tiny tooth pick.
He could now mark the position of British Radio, German, Russian and the Japanese.

The great German onslaught to Moscow was halted, Pearl Harbour Attack by the Japanese led America into war, The American entry changed the course of war, and the invincible Warships of the Japanese were sunk by the American Fleet. The Japanese advance halted. Japan was fighting a defensive war.
Gopal daily briefing of the war was authentic, his analysis brilliant. As the threat to Tellicherry receeded, the interest in war diminished, the girls stopped coming, with that the excitement of the war evaporated and receded. ‘No girls No fun’.

Gopal was happy that the threat from Japan receded, but it also landed him in a vacuum. There were challenges and excitement in preparing for war.

Nalini stopped coming, with that the boys also abstained, only the older men came, they were equally keen to know as to what would happen to Adolf Hitler.

… xxx …

Nalini gets a Marriage proposal. A brand new American car Ford was seen in Tellicherry, the kids ran behind the car as the car moved slowly through the narrow streets. It was amazing, the people sat inside the car as if on Sofa. It glided without making a noise, the kids followed the car, and the Dogs too joined in the excitement. It turned into Nalini’s house.

A man wearing a suit with an elderly couple disembarked. The Kids stopped at the gate. The prospective Groom Subhash was from Dharmadam, he had come with his uncle and Aunty, Major Vasudavan and his wife Meera.

Subhash had migrated to Singapore before the war, he made a fortune in Rubber trade, now he was a big time war contractor. He had come home to Tellicherry to find a girl for marriage, he heard of Nalini, the brave and beautiful girl. Subhash was handsome, rich and elegant. All three were well dressed. They entered the drawing room. Shoba Nalini’s mother had advance information. She had kept the drawing room clean and the snacks ready, a simple tea ceremony, the girl seeing ceremony. It is a bend in Destiny, a simple fifteen minutes will change the life for ever. Good or bad, the Umbilicus chord tied again for ever, till death do us part.

Shoba had told Nalini to change into a silk sari. Nalini refused to dress. ‘I am not ready for marriage’. Nalini wore a simple skirt and blouse. Nalini was directed to serve the Tea. Nalini did reluctantly. Even in Skirt and blouse Nalini looked stunning.

Nalini looked at Subhash. She was shocked, Subhash looked handsome and he did not have a moustache. Nalini gazed at him. He had a charming smile, he looked rich and had a Diamond Studded watch.

The Tea ceremony over. They bid good bye. Nalini did not come out, she ran to her room, she closed the door and shouted ‘IT’S MY CHOICE!
GOPAL WHERE ARE YOU?’

To be Continued…

A month earlier Steve had asked Sara to marry him, but she loved Jeremy. After what Mary said to her, she said yes to Steve. Loneliness is the worst feeling of all, and she was a softhearted person. She was forced by Mary who never wanted to see Sara upset.

Everything was normal until the moment he saw his roommate kissing her. There was absolute silence. The skies poured vigorously. The boughs beat each other in vain. Each flower on all the plants withered away. Jeremy walked away in pain, in the rain. And he felt the pain – again. He cried. He cried like an infant. The way he used to cry when he was young. The way he cried when he heard the news that his father died in the war.

Everything looked odd. The dark clouds pierced through his broken heart. He was hurt. He walked uphill; by chance the roommate next door noticed him, and rushed to ask what he saw. The students next to the fish pond, just a couple of steps before his room, were stunned to see him in tears. There was pain, and for the first time they saw him that way.

The night would to end in a few hours with the final show – the farewell event. And the curtains would fall down forever.

Jeremy walked inside his room and stood there for a while. He packed his bags, changed his dress, and stood in the shower for an hour. He was still crying. He looked at himself in the mirror and ran his fingers through his long shabby beard. He took the blade, shaved it, and combed his hair. He dressed up in a black suit and plucked a rose flower from the backyard and walked downward. The rain stopped pouring, but the fog covered Jeremy. The students who walked to bid their seniors farewell couldn’t recognize the person walking downhill. The girls near the canteen, just above the college garden, didn’t recognize the man who walked in black suit with the guitar. All the faces turned back to see the new face, but he was not a new face to any. He was Jeremy.

He entered the hall, and every student had to say a word or two before they left college to enter a new phase in life. Richard noticed the change in Jeremy. He found the pain hidden behind his eyes, but he couldn’t speak to him then. He was already on the stage performing a solo song.

Sara was sitting with Steve in a red gown, with a pretty rose flower on her hair. Her eyes wandered, searching for Jeremy. She knew that she was still in love with him. Silence speaks more than words, but at times, silence pierces more than any.

The time came when each student had to say their final words before they left. A younger student called out each students’ name. All of them walked up to the stage and shared what they felt about the place and their life for the past three years. An hour later it was Richard’s turn. He walked forward and said how happy he felt to showcase his talent and the way he progressed his interest in music. Four students later, Sara walked up to the stage. She was silent, but finally she spoke.

She said, “I will miss this place. I will miss this place for one reason. And the reason is you”.

To be continued…