Most of the life, I’ve been on a quest,
Fuming over past – making me unrest.
Then started discovering who I might be,
Earnestly searching and desperate to recognize me.

Felt the moments of fulfilment and what went wrong,
Realized that to succeed, I need to be strong.
Then I feared that I might be on my own,
But when I looked around I saw I wasn’t alone.

I’ve learned that this journey of learning is endless,
The discoveries are fresh everyday and priceless.
I know now that I want to be happy and at peace,
And HOPE all the pain and the struggles would cease.

Though in this quest to discover myself, I must not react,
In everything I do, I need not be perfect.
From what matters and what’s really true,
In the end, you just have to be you.

“Congratulations” “ It’s a baby girl”….. wow wow wow Rahul was unable to express his happiness on becoming a proud father after 8yrs of their marriage. He started to bounce like a ball in the whole hospital screaming to everyone “I am a Papa now”. Happiness can’t be measured and sometimes we can not even express it the way we want to. So many thoughts go on in our mind and heart but when it comes to expressing them, we fall short of emotions.

That moment came when the nurse came out telling his whole family that now they can see the baby and mother both. Rahul and his entire family went inside room number 206 where Riya was lying with a big smile on her face despite of all the pain she has gone through. It’s said and proven that all your pain vanishes when u deliver your baby and then, starts the journey of your Motherhood.

Rahul took the baby from the cradle who was wrapped in a pink colour blanket he kept on looking at her and he forgot everything at that moment. Tears rolled down his eyes and he kissed on her forehead, then he looked towards Riya and said “Hamari Beti”. They both were feeling on cloud nine at that moment. Rahul’s mother came and took the baby from him saying “Dadi ko bhi to dekhne do”

And then she said – are iska to rang kala hai. Rahul was stunned listening to this. He took the baby from his mother and looks towards everyone and said She is our “ Kajal”. Everyone clapped in the room as the baby naming ceremony was done there. Next day Riya was discharged from the hospital and time has come to go to home. Rahul was super excited to take them both home. Riya was having mixed emotions seeing Rahul and his gestures she never expected that the man who never showed her that he needs a baby is holding so much emotions and love inside him. They both got married 8yrs ago in Delhi. Rahul was working with a Law firm and Riya was running her aerobics classes. Life was going smooth when Riya felt the need of having a baby. They went to many Gynaecologist but all went in vain. Rahul told Riya we are happy together I can’t see you troubling yourself more let’s be happy with each other. But somewhere that motherly nature in Riya was not letting her sit peacefully and she tried everything every temple , every saint wherever her mother in law took her listening to  others.

Aah ! our Indian society. Won’t let you to stop.

Finally her prayers were answered and today she is holding her baby. The only thing which went wrong in all this was that Dr’s told Rahul that Riya won’t be able to conceive for the second time. For Rahul it was never a matter. Riya and her in laws were little disheartened, but after Kajal came all were happy. As soon as the car stopped in front of their Bungalow Riya heard light music sounds. Rahul opened the car door for her and she stepped on flowers, she was amazed to see the whole bungalow decorated beautifully with Pink as its main colour theme and all the guest were waiting there to welcome Riya and Kajal. After all the rituals were over, all went inside the hall suddenly some aunt came and said “Naam sahi rakha hai kali hi hai bahut, another one added dekho iski naak bhi thodi ajeeb si hai na”. Riya looked towards her mother and mother in law with a worried face as she was a beautiful lady herself. They both came closer to her and said “ Tu chinta mat kar hum na kuch na kuch laga ke iska rang saaf karenge. Another aunt came stating – Ek maharaj hai wo rang gora kar sakte hain. And like this many comments were passed and all this took Rahul to his college days.

Rahul was dark lean guy because of which he faced many comments since his childhood. They were twins. His brother was very fair and not lean like Rahul. Every moment crossed Rahul’s eyes how the comparison started from home itself and it continued in school and then in college for his colour for his body for his looks. Rahul somehow was going in to depression while doing his LLB when his friend Arun and Deepak helped him to come out of this. The three of them were childhood buddies. Arun was the smartest among the three. Deepak was dark, short, fat with chicken pox marks on his face. But he was a very lively person and seeing him Rahul always got inspired. He always said “why should we think what others are saying , “our body is God’s gift to us “ we should love ourselves the way we are and these lines hit Rahul so much that since that day he stopped listening to anything about himself. It was the final exam of their last semester when Deepak came to Rahul while he was sitting on the roof top oh his PG and studying. Weather was very pleasant cool breeze was flowing and moon was shining bright in the sky. Rahul asked Deepak what happened you are smiling and hiding something. Meanwhile Arun also joined them and Deepak told them tomorrow after the exam he will propose Prerna their classmate for marriage. He told them that he has decided to open his own Law firm where he and Prerna will work together. All three friends screamed in joy and danced and then started planning about Deepak and Prerna weeding.

“We all are so sure about our things that we decide and dream of a future which we are not even aware of”

It was 2:00pm when the exam was completed, Rahul and Ajay walked out of the room searching for Deepak. Then they thought he would have gone to meet Prerna without them as he has told them a night before. At 5 in the evening Rahul’s phone rang. He was packing things to go home he missed the call thinking it as an unknown number which will disturb his packing .Suddenly Arun came to his room running like a storm shouting his name. He held his hand and said we have to go to Hospital. Rahul was shocked and asked why what happened I have a taxi standing out to go back to home. Arun didn’t listen to Rahul and dragged him towards his bike where other fellow mates were waiting for them. Rahul sat on the bike and seeing everyone’s face kept quiet praying all should be fine inside his heart. They reached the Hospital and Rahul was shocked to see Deepak’s parents there sitting and crying. Arun took Rahul inside the room and he was taken aback seeing Deepak lying on the bed full of machines.

Deepak committed suicide. Prerna rejected his proposal. But everyone knows Deepak was not a kind of person who will die for rejection. Later Prerna and her friends accepted in front of everyone that when Deepak came to meet Prerna they made fun of him and body shamed him. Deepak was deeply hurt and same moment he jumped from the roof top of the examination college.

“Are hum kale hain to kya hua song was played in the hall and Rahul screamed “STOP IT” everyone was shocked at this reaction. Rahul looked towards Riya in a displease way. He took Kajal from her hand and said – “ Stop making comments on colour, body parts, intelligence, please Stop it” She is my Pride and I won’t let anyone hurt my daughter the way I was hurt by comparison. She is extremely beautiful for me and no one has the right to comment on her or on anyone on this earth. U guys make fun and then leave have you ever thought how much it hurts the other person. Can you even imagine ? No? because you think you all are perfect and have full right to judge anyone.

“ Meri Beti Mera abhimaan hai. She is black or white , she is lean or fat , her eyes are small or big nothing matters. The only thing that matters is She is God’s gift to me and my family. She is mine. She is my Pride, She is my KAJAL”

 Riya understood Rahul’s pain she came closer to him and looked with a teary eye towards him and held his shoulder. Everyone one was quiet and then Rahul’s Father clapped and said I am proud of you my son you did what I was not able to do for you’.

Everyone clapped and Rahul was busy in seeing her little one smiling and seeing him as if she was saying “Thank you PAPA”.

Body shaming is something which Men and Women both have to go through which starts from our home knowingly or unknowingly. Colour, height, weight, intelligence, size, and any parameter which people want they start comparing. It’s time we should stop all this. We all are God’s creature. We all are beautiful and successful and talented in our own ways. Stop Body Shaming stop comparing.

Don’t mix Motivation with Body shaming both are completely different and we should know the difference.

          “Main Jaisi bhi hun achi hun, Main bhi usi khuda ki banayi bachi hun”

        “ Kyun rang mera dekha jata, Kyun mann nahi tumhe samajh ata”

Meet me at my worst
Not in pleasant days my dearess
To see how much the eyes look sore
To hold my hand and kisses bore
Bore my lips with your kisses
When the salty tears tastes them

Meet me at my worst
Embrace my heart at the ebbs
The tides are clenching my soul
The storms are pressing themselves on
Embrace the devils in me
The nudge from you will set them free

Love me at my worst my dearess
Leaving is not the answer ever
The kohl has smudged in emptying my soul
The lipstick smudged rubbing the pain taking its toll
Hold on to me and give me wings

Give me hope at my worst
Let love flow in faith and abundantly brim
My soul is hungry my heart in thirst
For your kisses your touch your hopeful words
Fill me up with the best of you
Leave me from being one to the two heart in one

Adorn my life with your smile at my worst
Find me the place to thrive and steer
Let your chest be my love nest now
At my worst be with me promise and vow

No story this time friends… Seeing the condition of the whole world i realised certain facts which many people tells us and we keep ignoring or we can say we dont take them seriously and sometimes we make fun of such sayings. One illness has shaken the whole world. It proves we are nothing in front of universal power. 

MONEY, NAME, FAME :We keep on running behind this to give the best lifestyle to our family members and sometimes for our own satisfaction or fullfilling our dreams our desires and materialistic things. IS it really worth ignoring our health our family our me time and run behind all this?Flats, Bunglows, Cars : Everyone wants to have all these luxurious things in life. People fight with each for these things. Limit is that they kill their own family members too for this property and money…. IS ALL THIS SO IMPORTANT?? 

MBA, MEDICAL, IIT :
All are in the race of making their children the best. Leaving behind  what actually a child wants. At a young age of 2yrs only we start teaching them  alphabet, poem, rhymes and many other things despite of knowing the fact that childhood is to enjoy. U have to become a Dr, clear IIT and earn in Foreign country and there is other pressure too. We all forget in this race that the biggest success and achievement is Happiness. To become a good human being and let them pursue their own dream… ARE WE DOING RIGHT? 

ENEMY, HATRED, FORGIVING :
I hate him/her in office in school in work place, in home in family many times many people have these feelings for others… Why?? Property, More money, Successful Career. I am best u did a mistake i will not forgive you… Why?… IS THIS A RIGHT FEELING.. 
The whole story is we are all puppets of God. Instead of all this we should try to forgive and love more. We should let our children enjoy their childhood. We should spend time with out family members. We should look after ourselves. We should take out some time for our hobbies. We should forgive because we dont know whether tomorrow we will be able to see the same person or not.. Now we all might have understood nothing is in our hands. Everything will be lost once universe decides something. 
Then why dont we take this CORONA time as a learning for our future and and try to change the way we are living till now. NO idea when we will be called. Its time we should value our relations, we should forget and forgive, we should let our kids fulfill their dreams and not to put pressure on them. We should love everyone. We should value what we have and pay Gratitude for every small and big blessing.

WAQT HAI AB APNO KO WAQT DENE KAWAQT HAI AB DUSHMANO KO BHI DOST BANANE KAWAQT HAI AB KHUL KE JEENE KA WAQT HAI AB KUDRAT KE ISHARE KO SAMAJHNE KA

The mix fragrance of marigold and rose was spread all over the bungalow. Beautiful colourful lights were making the night look glorious. So many happy faces dressed up in beautiful attire were laughing, talking and dancing. Sana was dressed up in a beautiful pink lehenga and was standing on the stage with Samar, who was looking handsome in a golden sherwani.

Sana and Samar’s families were very rich and famous in Anandpur city. It was both of their images in the society that they had fixed their wedding 7 years ago when Sana was in her 2nd year of engineering and Samar was in his final year of engineering. Both were aware of this wedding but never had the courage to meet more often because of the family image in a small place. Samar always took care of Sana in those 7 years which Sana was also aware of but none of them had disclosed that feeling of knowing the truth to each other.

Today, Sana was very happy because in these 7 years, she had realised that Samar will be the best husband for her. Everyone was praising their match. “Wah! Bilkul Ram Seeta jaisi jodi hai”.

“Tum dono to best couple lag rahe ho ek sath khade hue” and many such compliments were going through their ears and they both were enjoying all that affection and pampering.

It was 4:00 A.M in the morning. suddenly someone banged on their room door. Sana was in deep sleep and this noise broke her sleep and she got scared of such continuous banging on the door. Suddenly Samar also woke up and without even looking towards her, he went and opened the door. It was Samar’s elder sister Meghna. She came inside the room screaming on Sana, you don’t have sense to get up early in the morning and come out? Is this what your parents have taught you? Sana was completely shocked with this behaviour. She was unable to understand what mistake she did?. She looked towards Samar and he just started looking down without uttering a word. Sana had tears in her eyes as it was 1:30 A.M when she had finally went to sleep after the wedding rituals were over. She said I am sorry and stared at Samar who was still quiet. Meghna asked Sana to take bath and come out of the room in next 10 minutes and she left the room again banging the door in anger. Samar came close to her and said it’s ok, she is our elder, you go and take bath. Sana was like a statue at that moment and she went and did what she was asked to do.

Life started going normally with many such incidents where Samar would always say “it’s ok they are elders”. Sana got a government job, which became another point of argument in the family when they asked her to leave the job. She again looked towards Samar and as usual he said “it’s ok we have enough money; they are our elders, please let’s give them respect”. Again because of her love for Samar, she smiled and gave up on her dream. Samar was taking care of all her basic needs but sometimes Sana felt “Am I alone?” despite of being a part of such a big family? This question came to her mind many times. And finally answer was a “ ? “. Many times she thought of discussing all this with Samar and at that moment Samar just changed the topic every time by saying “They are our family”. One year passed just like this and every time Sana gave up on many things, just for Samar, as she was aware of the fact that how much Samar is attached to his family. It was early Monday morning when Sana felt she is not feeling well. They went to the hospital and the biggest news came for the family. “Sana and Samar are expecting their first child”.

Everyone was very happy and in that happiness Sana completely forget what she had gone through in that 1 year. Nine months of pregnancy were not easy for Sana as she had to do things as per what the elders of the family said. She asked her mom if she can come to their place but, her mom told “Beta itni achi caring family hai tum kyun aise behave kar rahi ho”. She again kept quiet and started waiting for the day when she will hold her baby in her arms. It was evening when she was walking towards her mother in law’s room. She suddenly heard the conversation going on in that room “Dekh lena beta hi hoga, ammi ne use khane main dawai mila kar di thi”, and then another voice of her sister in law uttered “Mummy tension mat lo, pandit ji ne bola hai beta hi hoga”.

Sana was completely shocked. She felt like she will fall down but somehow she managed herself and walked back towards her room. She was waiting for Samar to come so that she can tell him the truth. Many questions were going on in her mind. How Samar will react to all this? Will he believe her? She was just thinking and suddenly she started feeling uncomfortable. She was rushed to the hospital where she gave birth to a beautiful little angel. She looked towards her family’s face where few were happy and as expected few were sad. She started looking for Samar and she was surprised to see Samar’s face shinning and sparkling, eyes full of happiness holding their little daughter in his arms. Sana took a deep breath as Samar’s reaction was important for her as they had never discussed about the gender of the child. It was always like our little baby should be healthy. She thanked God and shared her happiest moments with Samar.

Life was not at all easy for both. Next day morning, the Doctor visited them and told “their baby is not a normal baby. Her brain was not developed properly. Both were completely shocked. Her mother in law and father in law started screaming and at that moment they held the baby and handed her to the Doctor saying “Do whatever you want to do with this baby. We don’t want such a baby and that too a girl in our family”. Sana was shattered. She was looking towards everyone for help, she was crying, and begging to not do this. She gathered the courage and stood up from the bed and took her baby girl from the Doctor and started screaming “This is my daughter, my and Samar’s first child“, no one has the right to decide about her. Her in laws tried to make her understand but she didn’t listen to anyone and finally they told her “If you want to keep this girl with you, leave our house and go away. We will not let you enter our house with this sick baby girl. Sana felt like the whole world was against her. She was unable to stand properly; her legs were shaking and she was losing control over her body. But she didn’t give up at that moment. She again stood up and looked towards Samar who was standing quietly and watching all this. She gave an angry look to her in-laws and walked towards Samar. She looked into his eyes and for the first time she asked him “Samar Am I Alone?” Is this not our baby girl? She waited for 2 minutes for Samar to answer but he kept standing still.

Sana gave a smile to Samar and with a shaking voice just said, “Thank you Samar”.

She held the baby in her arms and started walking towards the room door. No one came to stop her. She was crying and walking and as she was about to step out of the room, she felt someone’s hand on her shoulder and before she could turn, she heard “No Sana, you are not Alone, I am with you. This is our baby”. Sana was unable to give any reaction in that moment. Samar took the baby girl from her and turned towards his family and said “We will take care of our daughter together”. She is my and Sana’s life and he walked outside the room holding the baby in one hand and holding Sana with the other hand.

At that moment Sana had a peaceful smile on her face and tears in her eyes. Her life partner had not left her alone and in that moment, she told to herself “I Am not Alone”. Both smiled towards each other and walked out to start a new life with their princess.

“Problems are a part of life, but when you decide to face them together, life becomes easier and happier.”

“Beta ho Ya Beti, dono hi anmol hain”.

A music concert organised by ENVIE, a small start up of events by me.

Interaction with some parents and youth made me realise, the passion  for music is universal. For some it’s being on stage, for others it may be as an audience clapping and rooting for the artisans. 

The prime motive was not to earn green bucks but firstly to provide a  platform for the young talented singers. Secondly, to connect different people from different walks of life on one stage and help them shedding off their own inhibitions and interact with the unknown too.

It was a fun filled evening. Some great music performance from amateurs who may not be professionals. Singers but have a deep passion igniting inside them.

On a personal level, some of the guests made an effort for a healthy interaction without any biases. As the organiser, it gave me tremendous pride and satisfaction to be able to provide some stress relieving and entertaining moments. All the hard work and continuous efforts for more than a month had paid of….If not in a materialistic way then definitely in a soulful way.

Looking forward to organise more such events. Not only music performances but a lot more- catering to all needs and for all age groups. 

The challenge is to find like minded people who r ready to walk on all paths with me and evolve themselves. 

An emotional journey…