Nalini’s mind was in turmoil, she came out of her room and murmured ‘It’s my life’, but it does not make any sense, shouting at the stadium was different, but here, ‘What do I do?’, she could do nothing, ’Will Gopal ever ask her hand in marriage?’
Nalini had no answers. Nalini was ready to fight the Japanese, but here in the battle of the heart, she had no clue, and here there were no borders, it was a battle without boundaries. The horizon was not visible. Nalini ran back into her room upstairs. The Singapore man was handsome, no moustache and rich, all vital components of a happy marriage, but the Heart, the prime meridian was not measurable. ‘YES IT’S MY CHOICE’ the placard stared at her, she had displayed it so boldly and emphatically. ‘Will Gopal love me?’
Gopal never talked about love, there was no mention of marriage, always the stupid Japanese. Now the Japanese are not coming. ‘What will I do? What will Gopal do?’ ‘I Nalini, I am a smart girl, and I have to take the initiative. Yes I will do ‘ ‘Do I love Gopal? Yes! .. No … I am not sure! Yes I am sure .. I love Gopal… Does Gopal love me?’ Nalini ‘I must check with my lucky coin! The coin my dead Grandpa had given to me on Vishu Day, The auspicious day.’ Nalini held the coin, kissed it and sought the blessings of her Grandpa.
Nalini tossed the coin, ‘O God! Heads Gopal loves me, Tails Gopal does not love me’. The coin spun and landed in her palm. Nalini looked, it was HEADS. Nalini jumped ‘Gopal loves me’. ‘No, Nalini, it should be best of three’. So be it. Nalini tossed it again. The palm spread to catch the falling coin. Nalini opened her palm slowly. It was HEADS. Nalini kissed the coin, ‘Yes Gopal loves me, and yes there is no doubt about it.’ ‘What about the Marriage? Will Gopal marry me?’ ‘Ask the coin? Yes ask the coin.’ Nalini tossed the coin, the palm revealed it was the TAIL.’ Nalini was shocked. ‘What? love there and no marriage?’ No best of three. It shall be best of three.
Nalini tossed the coin again, it touched the ceiling, it changed the direction, rolled on the ground and it disappeared into the crack on the floor. It was an old building and the crack was there for a long time. Just when the greatest question needed an answer, the lucky coin disappeared. The infallible coin Moothappa! How will I know? Nalini sat still on her bed, then she got up. Then Nalini declared to herself ‘I will be brave, I will talk straight. I will ask Gopal, yes. Yes direct question. Yes face to face direct question’ Thus resolved, Nalini waited, she had no further need to consult the coin. No need to consult her parents, or seek their permission. ‘It’s my life! It is my choice!’ Nalini shouted at the wall. ‘Yes my life’. Nalini felt happy at her resolve.
… xxx …
Nalini did not change into any fancy dress, she wore the house clothes, just the skirt and blouse. No one saw her going out, Pilakool Post Office was just around the corner. Nalini wanted to know Gopal’s heart, his answers in plain clothes, just as she was.
Nalini ran to the Post Office. Gopal was always in time. She saw the Raleigh Cycle, the cycle announced his presence. Nalini ran up the masonry steps, the Post Office was on an elevated ground.
As usual Gopal was alone, and he smiled. It was that endearing smile that captivated her. Nalini did not smile. She had much more serious business in mind. Nalini entered and closed the door. Nalini did not want disturbance or distraction. This was serious business. Nalini felt confident, the initiative was with her. The door was closed, but the window was open, so was her heart. Nalini could see his lush hair. Gopal suddenly became serious ‘Why did you close the door?’ Nalini looked stunning in her skirt and blouse, and Nalini was panting and her chest heaving, and she was taking deep breath to formulate the opening sentence. Nalini edged a little closer, she placed one foot on the bench and one on the ground. Nalini ‘Tell me Gopal! Will you marry me? Gopal was stunned, Gopal felt he was on the gallows and the rope was about to be slipped on. Nalini, the Jailor asking him ‘What is your last wish?’
Gopal ‘Nalini sit down, I will explain.’
Nalini sat down, she was holding the table firmly, and she needed support.
Gopal could not say a word. He kept gazing at her and all words disappeared from his skull. It was empty. Nalini stood up, the words came to her only when she was standing. She had both her legs spread out for balance and gravity. Nalini had one hand on the table and one hand on her hips, Naliini breathed out the formidable question ‘Gopal do you love me?’
The question was a blast, it entered his consciousness instantly and the answer blew out spontaneously and effortlessly. Gopal ‘Yes I love you Nalini!’ What a relief. How incredible, he had such words in his mouth.
The air escaped her lungs, she was holding her breath. A pressure released. Nalini sat down, she was not holding the table, and she had one leg over the other leg, her whole body in relaxation. Gopal kept looking at her, she had such beautiful eyes, there were beads of sweat on her nose, it sparkled from the beam of light from the window. He continued to gaze at her. Not a word came out. Nalini stood up, she did not hold the table, now she had her own gravity, and with that firmness Nalini asked ‘Tell me Gopal! Will you marry me?’
Gopal’s heart was beating faster, rest of his body was frozen, and Gopal could not answer. He kept staring at her, those incredible eyes, languid and deep, such an innocent face, she deserve a better husband.
Nalini was still standing, she did not require support, and she was prepared. Nalini ‘Tell me Gopal, tell me YES or No, be a man and tell me honestly, what you say?’ Gopal ‘Nalini! Have a glass of water.’ A single glass stood inverted on a mud water pot’. Nalini’s stare indicated that water was not the problem. Gopal blinked, then he closed his eyes, he needed time to frame a sentence, words were clashing in his skull, but it could not be assembled in a sequence to make a sensible sentence. Nalini sitting opposite alone, the door closed, not by him, but by her and it was not a scenario he had imagined.
Gopal stood up and gripped the table. He opened up and it was a torrent of words, it cascaded like a waterfall, rapid and scintillating, an endless stream of words, furious and fast.
Nalini kept listening, not at the words, but what the heart conveyed.
‘Gopal now you understand my problem? You Nalini will always think from your vantage, your heart! Primary heart. Your problem the supreme problem. The Head Office had not increased my salary as given in their letter to Hundred Rupees. They say that I am a Temporary Staff. They may appoint a new man not from Tellicherry, but from Trivandrum, an outsider who would be safe, not a local man like me. I think they are scared of the initiative we took for the war effort, and we may rise up against the British Empire. They may implicate me in a false charge and put me in Jail. They don’t want leaders like you and me.’
Tell me Nalini ‘How can I marry a girl beautiful and talented, to a man who may become jobless or be even in Jail? It would be cruel on my part.
It would be best for you to marry that Singapore man. He will make you happy, a wife cannot be happy without a house and food and you will be safe in Singapore. It is not written in my stars to marry you, I am simply not up to your standards.
Nalini! I cannot marry you.’
… xxx …
The words fell like hot coal on her heart, her fingers had no place to rest, and it went to her face to cover her face. It closed her eyes. Nalini She said to herself ‘My God it has come to this, the coin had disappeared, and the indications were there. ‘ Nalini looked up to him, she had no more words in her heart, and her eyes said it all. Her heart seem to be drained of blood, it was empty.
Nalini got up and walked out, she turned back and closed the door. As Nalini stepped down the masonry stairs, a beautiful chapter of life seem to close. She ran down the steps and she was running, she hit a rock and fell. Her hand were bruised, she did not feel the pain, and it was the heart which was feeling the pain.
Nalini stopped, she realized that she had no right to close the door on Gopal. It was not her door, it was Gopal’s door. Nalini ran back, she opened the door. Gopal was sitting in the same position. Eyes unblinking.
Tears streaming down Gopal’s cheek. Nalini went to him and wiped his tears. She touched his silk hair fondly, one last time. She turned, and there were no more words. What would words do? Nalini moved resolutely.
To be Continued…
Trance Series 