Hello everyone, today I will share my journey of faith which leads to one of my life’s biggest breakthroughs.
I took up this practice from 18th January 2019. It was actually my 10th wedding anniversary and I gifted myself this practice. I had been separated from my husband since October 2014 and have been entangled in a legal battle. By January 2019, I was at an all time low, facing financial, health, professional and relationship karma. And this seemed to be the last hope to win over my battles. Enamoured with plenty of questions, wondering if this practice actually works, I took up this life transforming philosophy as my last resort.
My first victory happened in April on a court date. My husband wanted my son’s custody for summer vacation and he hadn’t paid his school fees. I, who always lacked the confidence to speak to him because of his abusive behavior when we stayed together, stood courageously in front of him all day, not bowing down to his demands. My only interest was my son’s well being. And by evening, he relented and agreed to everything. The judge granted access as per my requirement. For me, it was special and a big victory, because for the first time in 10 years I wasn’t afraid of him or his clout. That day I realized I am changing.
I immersed myself in Gakkai activities. I actively took part for May 3rd meeting and also chanted abundant daimoku with fellow members. Everything was going fine but then after the May 3rd meeting, there were few unfortunate incidents that disturbed me and shook my faith. As doubts creeped inside my mind, I slackened in Daimoku & home visits.
After almost a month, I took guidance from a senior leader and took up the practice again seriously. This time I came back with a bang! Stronger faith and an even stronger invincible spirit. I wrote down my prayers and chanted for me as well as the fellow members and friends.
The Daishonin states, “Our Buddhist practice of chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo is a struggle to return to our true, original selves and tap the innate life force we have possessed from time without beginning by summoning deep faith and praying with focused resolve.
From June to September, my court case was again stagnant. Lame excuses by my lawyer, disappointments on the legal front, worries about my career took a toll on me. In spite of all this, my faith never wavered. This was my third lawyer in last 5 years & I couldn’t afford to change to another. I wanted to finish the case as soon as possible and give my son the best of life which he rightfully deserved.
Buddhism is about winning in any challenge and that is why Buddhist mentors and disciples must keep fighting to the end. No matter what successes or setbacks we experience along the way, the essence of the ‘strategy of the Lotus Sutra’ is that through which we can definitely achive ultimate victory.
When I joined this practice in January, I looked very dull and sad. Surprisingly I was a changed person, much happier & calm. Challenges seemed less daunting. Things were not moving but I felt very secured and protected.
Nichiren Daishonin says “A woman who takes this efficacious medicine will be surrounded and protected by these four great boddhisatvas at all times. When she rises to her feet, so too will the bodhisattvas and when she walks along the road, they will also do the same. She and they will be as inseparable as a body and its shadow, as fish and water, as a voice and its echo or as the moon and its light. Should these four Boddhisatvas desert the woman who chants NMRK, they would incur the wrath of Shakyamuni. I always remember these lines whenever I feel low.
Then in September, on a court date I was disappointed as usual and sat in a corner. My second lawyer suddenly approached me. We discussed the case & decided to end the case on mutual terms with my husband. Somewhere between our divorce case, my son was suffering, which I didn’t want and thus suddenly, the scene changed.
All this while I was chanting a lot, reading concepts, Gosho regularly, participated in Gakkai activities and did home visits. I needed a lot of wisdom. I took guidance from senior leaders who told me to pray for the wisest and most courageous decision which is best for all three of us, so that neither me nor my husband repent our decision. The whole negotiation process was very tough for me. Since I was the only one responsible for all my decisions, which would affect me, my son and his father’s lives.
Negotiations through the lawyer failed as my husband refused to my genuine terms. At stake was my life, career and my son’s future. I realized that as a boddhisatva, my work will be incomplete if I don’t undergo my human revolution. I had to change my thoughts about my husband, garner courage to speak to him directly. It took me few days to take the final call. I actually wanted the case to end on mutual terms. I chanted abundant daimoku, read gosho chapters that gave me courage and wisdom, as well as calmed me, so that I could muster up the courage to speak to him. This was again a big test. I called him up and spoke to him about the terms and how its affecting our son, and how I want it to be mutually over which would be best for all of us. I am happy to report that my husband was quite pleased to get my call. He appreciated that I spoke to him directly and he seemed to be interested to end the case. For the first time in 10 years we spoke for 45 minutes. He came to pune next day itself.
We both decided on our terms and conditions and agreed to hire a common new lawyer to get the process done. I prayed that the divorce process should be very smooth and we should part amicably and on friendly terms for the sake of our son. We soon found a lawyer who got all the papers and documents ready. The entire work happened seamlessly. I went to Delhi with my son to bring back my ornaments and for some paper work. During my stay I could feel I am being protected with the way how things happened so smoothly. I was also very confident and calm in dealing with my son’s father and his family. The most important point for the mutual divorce was the custody of my son. With abundant Daimoku, I gained the courage and wisdom to give the custody of my son to my husband. My son will have a secure future with him, since he is financially quite strong and has his parents to help with the upbringing of the child. I needed to be very practical, do forethought on the possibilities of life with and without me or his father. I spoke to many single parents, heard many accounts and finally took this decision.
As a mother it was a very tough decision for me. I don’t have words to express the emotions I went through, but I have and am still going strong all because of my faith and practice. I also learnt to stand up for myself, got the wisdom to stand by my decision since it’s the best a mother could do, and also got the wisdom that I am not answerable to anyone for it. The best part was my son was very understanding. He has seen me fight for him for the last 5 years and now he understood why I took this decision. Before leaving, he made a website for me so that I can start blogging and gave me many ideas so that I can resume work and go to delhi to meet him with gifts.
The last day of the case went very smoothly. I am happy to report that we parted on very amicable terms where I will stay in touch with my son every day, meet him whenever I want, go on vacations and many more. What I felt during the process, my victory does not just lie in the custody, alimony amount, getting my belonging, but the way I dealth with all the circumstances all by myself. Like the new age India campaign, it was a new me, that was a completely different personality than what I was in January, which my friends, family and members who have interacted with me closely would agree.
From now onwards, I feel this is how my journey for kosenrufu has begun. This practice and nam-myoho-renge-kyo is a part of me and my personality.
Trance Series 